Eyelashes, Ears, Delays; Wiggles, Babble, and Play.

One thing that people have always commented on about Ari is his beautiful long eyelashes.  He has the most incredible eyelashes!  Since the day he was born, I have been in love with those beautiful blue eyes and long lashes.  When we started chemo, they said that kids could lose their lashes but usually they don't.  Over the last few weeks, Ari's eyelashes have started to fall out.  I know it is a small thing in the big picture of what is going on, but it is still so sad to see.

The doctors warned us that on one of the chemo drugs, there would be a good chance he would lose his high frequency hearing.  As a parent, this is difficult to swallow.  Knowing you are signing a paper to give the go ahead when you know the result causes hearing loss is extremely difficult; however, the potential reward far outweighs the risk of loss.  At Ari's last hearing check, we found out he has lost more than his high frequency hearing.  He can still hear most conversation type speech which is good.  They will do a more extensive test once we get through the induction phase to determine what steps need to be taken with hearing.

With every drug, there are crazy side effect possibilities - infertility, heart trouble, hearing loss, cancer, and many other small things.  But the scariest thing is the thought of cancer returning or taking over sweet Ari's body, so you say, "yes."  Yes to all the drugs, procedures, and steps.  The continual battle is the fear.  I am in a constant state of fighting for truth - knowing that God is in control and that he loves Ari more than I do.

We went up to Doerenbecher on Monday to start round 5 of chemo.  When we got there, they took his blood to check counts which is routine.  We found out his ANC had dropped back down to 120.  It has to be at least 1,000 to start.  As a result, Ari's chemo gets delayed a week.  This is certainly a bittersweet situation.  Do I want more time at home with my son?  Absolutely!  Do I want to delay treatment to kick this cancer out?  No, no, no!  We will enjoy the gift of this time, and I will continue to battle with the fear.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, preset your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  - Philippians 4:6-7

What a great couple of days we have had at home!  Ari has rediscovered his leg wiggle.  It is not as crazy as before but still a fun leg wiggle.  He babbles all day long.  When he feels good, he babbles, "da,da,da."  When he feels icky, he says, "ma, maaa, ma."  Ari also loves to play.  I am so thankful for this.  Today, he has been smiling like crazy.  This is a sight I treasure!

I am so thankful for progress.  I am thankful for amazing doctors and surgeons.  I am thankful that the tumor is gone.  I am thankful for smiles, giggles, and play.  I am thankful for an amazing husband and leader of our family.  I am thankful to be Ari's mother.  Mostly, I am thankful for a God who knows and loves our family; a God who guides us, gives us strength, and offers us salvation.

Ari is playing on his blanket Aunt Hannah and his cousins made!